Parr Road Ride: Fuck All This Wind And Shit!

It was windy people. Gale force. What does this have to do with Kelly spending 30 minutes changing her riding outfit? Not a God damned thing!!! 4 hours later and it was time for a feeding frenzy, shower and a much deserved nap. Much thanks to Brian Hackathorn for showing up and riding with robot-like efficiency. The dude never left his saddle! Even more thanks to Toby pulling Frampton duty and showing us the way. God bless you!

Kelly puts on her 10th layer of clothing:
Jim gets in on the public disrobing act! He's sassy!The cliched group photoKelly heeds the government's warning and halts her forward momentum by applying the brakes

Team Training 2/20/09

With the 2009 season on the horizon, Team Hoffenchard decided to have a training session Friday night. First there was drinkin'. Then grillin'. Then, chillin'. Then brief sojourns to local watering holes. Copious amounts of alcohol and other questionable substances were consumed. Kelly heckled some students milling around outside a bar in a show of Hoffenchard territoriality. The chastised students told Kelly to fuck off so the next thing you know, switchblades were drawn, Colombian neckties made and bodies lovingly disposed of. Word to the wise, don't fuck with a Hoff on a bender. Needless to say, training was a smashing success as this worthless douchebag staggered into the house a little after 3:00 AM.

Funky Fresh Hoffen Kicks!

Keep dreaming... These are for the select and worthy few...

The Weekend to come...

This weekend should prove to be quite a good one. There are several activities/festivities in the works.

Friday afternoon there will be a short Harbison trail ride where yours truly is trying out Pastor Troy's Salsa 1x9, followed by a little grilling and beer drinking at mi casa and then, more than likely, the usual downtown dibochery with special guest stars KB and possibly Jim Morrison.

Saturday will be left for recovery and a VIP viewing of stage 7 of the Amgen Tour of California


And as for Sunday we have planned to do the ride around Lake Murray. It should end up being around 65-70 miles (at least the last time we did it thats what it came out to be...) rolling hills, beautiful lake scenery, a really nice ride...

Were all looking forward to a beer filled bike nerd weekend... YAHOOOO

i love spring!

even though spring is not officially here, it sure has felt like it for the past week in asheville. i'm sure it's just a teaser, but i have spring feaver worse than ever now! being outside riding and running is a welcomed event rather than a forced one. here's a recap of yesterday's road ride:

From the city,

left from work, Asheville High School


what the crap is that rattling sound? broken water bottle cage

to the mountains,

up Town Mountain Rd, when I go really fast

beautiful Sunset Drive

to the river side

outsiders view of Biltmore land

wet t-shirt contest?

i knew that would get your attention!

asheville forecast for today: Wednesday, February 11
Windy with thunderstorms...perhaps severe. High 63F. Winds S at 25 to 35 mph. Chance of rain 50%. Winds could occasionally gust over 40 mph late. Wednesday night: Windy...scattered thunderstorms, some strong early

when i left the parking lot at rice pinnacle at 4:35pm it was windy and sprinkling, but i was determined to get a trail run in today. the trails were a muddy mess and 20 mins later it was pouring rain and i was drenched. these RAINY, MUDDY, WINDY conditions would have been appreciated at hoffencross!

Bikes of Hoffencross

I thought it would be interesting to show off some of the bike porn that was HoffenCross 09. Actually i believe Kyle came up with the idea but since i am older and it was my event i am taking full credit for it.

I don't think i ever realized the hotness of the bikes in our immediate circle. So without further adieu here goes.



The first bike above is owned by Josh Baker. Previously owned by yours truly, which was owned before that from one Herb Mantel who was also at the race bugging Josh to buy it back. It is an old school Ibis Hakkalugi. Highlights include the Gang Green fade paint, Handjob cable hanger, original Ibis fork and the Ibis Ti quill stem. The older XTR cranks are a nice touch as well.



Below is The Will's Van Dessel Hole shot, AKA the Kyle McNamee beat stick as i hear it is now referred to. Highlights include his trusty Cole wheels which The Will thinks are jinxed as he had better results on his Sta-Tru's. Alas this trusty steed will be short lived as i hear a new Van Dessel is in the works. Just for the record, this bike also serves as The Will's car.


Next up is Kyle McNamee's Kona Major Major. Uhhh, this bike also used to be mine...Anyway Kyle gets hipster points for his delicate blend of silver and white and the liberal use of stickers. The Kona utilizes a scandium frame that was fast enough to beat Jim Morrison at the Hendersonville UCI race on day 2 so it must be good! Kyle brought his "A" game to Hoffenchard and rode the coattails of The Will's navigation skills to a tie for 1st place*.


Kenny Klatte comes to us with this mighty fine Rock Lobster, literally just days old. For those that don't know the Rock Lobster replaces the worn out BH "Angel of Death" Kenny has faithfully ridden for years. Lambasted at the Hawley Co since the beginning for not getting something new, he surprised all when the box from Paul Sadoff landed at the loading dock. Rock Lobster, hotter than canned wolf pussy! By the way, Kenny nabbed 3rd place overall when Peter Gilbert was absent from the awards ceremony, drinking the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 22oz. 3rd place prize and leapfrogging Jim Morrison who refused to partake and thus was dropped to 5th.


Next up we have Money Bags Morrison's Indy Fab with S&S couplings (thus the name money bags, especially considering he bought this in college...). Indeed it is a sweet machine, note the Bruce Gordon cantilevers. While Jim has quite the skill at racing on courses that are laid out in advance, his navigation skills were no match for Ol' Peter Gilbert who handily disposed of him by over 15 minutes.


Speaking of Ol' Peter Gilbert here is his 10 year old Della Santa cross bike. Lugged and orange with a matching frame pump and vintage GEL 280's laced to Cane Creek hubs with Ti spokes! Friction bar con shifters! Hot Corn!! Peter is somewhat of a nationally recognized vintage guy and won the Haute Couture category as well with his vintage 7-Eleven vest and wool accoutrements. He was also sporting a really expensive helmet and martini socks. He missed winning by a mere 30 seconds as he was still finishing his math worksheet when The Will and Kyle rolled in. Did i mention that he beat Jim Morrison by at least 15 minutes???



*1st place tie - The Will, at one of the checkpoints, took a picture of himself with a plastic ring which he was to keep throughout the race. However at the finish it was gone. This would have given Kyle the race win and bragging rights forever. But as we came to find out at the math checkpoint Kyle's mental state could not handle simple addition so The Will completed the majority of the worksheet for him.

After several tie breakers (ground beef fat shots etc) were thought up it was decided no example of physical limit would be too much as both riders wanted the "W". It was ultimately decided that they would be eternally locked in a tie, thus providing entertainment for the rest of us to enjoy forever.

HoffenCross teaser

HoffenCross went off without a hitch! Among the checkpoints scattered around Bent Creek were xmas bows, pixi stick shots, and disney themed math worksheets (we learned who can/cannot do simple math - kyle). The riders were in top form, sprinting up Ingles Field Gap to 5 points and barrelling down Bent Creek Road from the Parkway. Here are some pics to enjoy while we all wait patiently for Eric's race report!