Happy St. Paddy's Day Criterium Recap

Today myself, the Swedish Eagle and Jay Money Deluxe ((Jay$$$dlx) decided to test all of our laborious winter efforts of maintaining an immaculate diet and tireless training (read, eating whatever we want and drinking to improve tolerance) by entering the "Happy St. Paddy's Day" Criterium.  We three decided that we would contest the Cat 4/5 race, and Jay Money Deluxe also decided to make the Eagle and I look bad by ALSO entering the Masters 35+ 3/4/5 race.

The 4/5 race was up first, a wonderful wakeup call at 8:40 am (FYI, NOT A MORNING PERSON). While the Eagle and Jay Money Deluxe were in fine form from the get go, I must say that my motor was not ready for the sudden 25-30mph sustained efforts.  As I flailed in the mid-field for the first few laps, I was able to see from my vantage point the Eagle stay smartly towards the front of the field guarded closely by Jay Money Deluxe   Burying my shame of my mid-field laps, I knew I had to at least try to keep up with my teammates, so I slowly but steadily meandered my way towards the front third of the field to at least try and give five to ten seconds of team effort.  As I was working my way up, I could tell that Jay Money Deluxe had a second sense and knew I was coming up to help.  Jay Money took off, leaving the field for a nice flyer.  The Eagle and I stood our ground, firmly planted in second and third, with another racer in front of us, begging us to take a pull.  Sorry, boys, this is racing. Eventually Jay was caught as the last few laps drew near and I can't tell you how happy I was to finally see "3 laps to go." The peloton ramped up in anticipation, putting me into a spot of bother, and I knew I was going to have to dig deep into my suitcase of courage.  2 laps to go brought a much needed momentary pause, allowing me to get back to my fellow Hoffs. 1 lap to go. Jay started the lap up front, but I knew he had better endurance and a better chance of getting a good leadout for the Eagle, so I gave it all I had and got the front spot to lead out the other two for as long as I could. I managed to stay on the front for a little over half a lap before being shed as Jay Money Deluxe and the Swedish Eagle came barreling by.  My job was done, so I soft pedaled my way across the line, completely DONE.  The Eagle did admirably, nabbing a 6th place for the Team, and Jay Money Deluxe came across mid field (BTW, Jay also won two primes!).  Way to go Swedish Eagle!!

After a brief reprieve of a women's race after ours, Jay saddled back up and jumped into the Masters  race 3/4/5.  The memorable quote of this race comes from Mr. Deluxe himself, " Man I'm beat, I'm just going to try and sit in the pack on this one." Yea... okay.  Ring a bell for a prime however and Jay Money cannot help it. Ring a bell and he becomes a ballistic missile.  It's science, trust me.  Upon the  bell for the first prime, Jay Money Deluxe was sitting as previously stated, squarely in the middle of the pack.  However, upon coming around to the line on the prime lap, the man was in first place, winning the prime.  In a moment of realization after this lap, He did have a breif respite in his actions, literally looked over to me on the side of the race course and said, "what the HELL am I doing up here?!..."

 This did however seem to invigorate the old fellow. second prime lap, second prime win for Jay Money Deluxe and fourth (!) of the day.  The second prime win also created a small breakaway of three gents (Jay$$$dlx included) and road away from the peloton in a fury. Within approximately 2 laps they had a growing gap on the group of about 20 seconds which of course raised the bell again for a prime to try and spur the peloton to kick it up a notch and offer chase.  Jay Money stated to his two companions that he would not contest the PRIME (it's important, I'll explain later) as he had already won four.  This was with 3 laps to go I believe. Well, after that lap, one of the guys in Jay's group decided to up the pace to try and get away from his other two companions.  Jay had enough to stay with the chap (st. paddy's day, come on!), but couldn't find the power to get past.  1 lap to go and they had lost one of their companions.  It was going to come down to a sprint if Jay could just hold on.  Coming around the last turn, Jay turned on the heat to try and get the jump for the sprint, only... the other gent was very taken aback by Jay Money's effort to try and win the race and started yelling, "That's BS man, you said you weren't going to contest the race!" Apparently when Jay stated that he would not contest the PRIME, the gent thought that Jay Money Deluxe was talking about the final lap instead. Uhhhhh, what??  It's a race.  We may give primes as gifts, but unless we're on the same team.... you ALWAYS duke it out for the win, regardless of what you may or may not of heard.  Needless to say feelings were probably hurt, but hey, racing is racing. Our apologies for the misunderstanding, but shouting and pouting are never going to win you a race...  sorry, just sayin'...  Anywhooos, Jay Money Deluxe with the Win!!!  Bravo! Bravo!

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