2009 ORAMM

After hemming and hawing, I signed up for ORAMM again. Jerm signed up for it too. Hooray! Drove up Saturday to Asheville and found Eric and Jerm sipping beer at the gnome house. A quick drive to Old Fort for pre-reg and then another quick drive to Ingles for beer and hot dogs. Eric purchased a suitcase of Busch Light. Then we started drinking beer. Jerm and Eric were amazed at how many bolts were loose on my bike. My headset was also loose. I haven't been on the thing in two weeks so cut me some slack jack! We kept drinking and then we grilled up some hot dogs. Jerm ate macaroni and cheese. Interesting choice. Jerm went to bed while Eric and I stayed up drinking more Busch Light waiting for Kel to get back from 24/Booty. I think I drifted off to sleep around 1 in the morning. Up around 6 and it was time for coffee and a bagel. I was dehydrated from the beer so I drank a few glasses of water. It tasted good, like water.

I then grabbed some crap, drove to Old Fort and got in line to race. Well no, once again, I was in the rear (whoa). Fast folk line up in front and I am not a "fast folk" so I stand in the back hoping to blend into my surroundings, like a bicycle chameleon or cheshire cat.

I rolled along and slowly sweated out the alcohol on the first climb. Hike a bike up Kitsuma and then back down it. Lots of good wrecks in front of me! One lady bit it hard but was a trooper as she sat up with a dazed smile on her face. More climbing after CP1 (Star Gap) then more descending the grassy, endless road. I rode by myself for the most part. It was weird. I caught a few people including a garrulous fellow from Greenville who used to work for Carmicheal Training. He listed off all the endurance mtb races he's done. Must've been fifty different races. I was impressed. I own 12 different Mike Watt/Firehouse tour t-shirts.

I skipped CP2 and went into the Curtis Creek climb. I stayed seated for the first 70 percent of the climb and then stood for the last part. I felt good for Curtis. Thankfully I donned my I-Pod before the climb so it was a pleasant distraction to hear Biggie, Nas, Das Efx, etc serenading me up the mountain. At CP3, I said hi to the folks, Kel and Eric then refilled my water. Ate my only two gels of the race and continued down a dirt road for a while then back up a climb. It hurt. Hurt bad. Luckily I got onto a wheel of a guy in a Dr. Gus kit. He was riding strong and pulled me up the entire climb. I think we passed 10 or 15 riders. I told him if he's ever in Columbia. I would buy him a cask of whiskey or beer. I popped a couple endurolytes at CP4 then rode up to Heartbreak. Not as scary this time with the Continental tires. They stuck like glue to everything! Seemed like Heartbreak was rootier than usual. Maybe it was just me. Rolled through CP5 and on to another climb. Chatted with a 29er Crew single speeder who looked a bit deflated. I wished him luck then motored on up to Kitsuma.

At the top of Kitsuma, I was following a local rider when I heard him make a sonorous, baritone-ish belch. Well, two seconds after I hear the gutteral utterance,he says nonchalantly, "Bear." Egads. Then over my left shulder I hear something go crashing through the woods in a bear-ish manner. My first encounter with the bear class! I got out of the saddle and cranked past my fattier, tastier looking riding partner and flew down Kitsuma to the picnic area before you could say "brutal bear mauling removes Columbia man's face and genitals" I tried my best to spin down the pavement to the finish but lost my self in thought and reflection. "Wonder if Eric is going to grill up the rest of those hot dogs tonight? Busch Light isn't that bad. Kel said her vagina was chafed last night. What did she mean by that? I wonder if Jim slept on the cardboard?" So I crossed the new and improved finish line, ditched the bike, ate some pasta and drove home. It was a most satisfying day in the woods! Many thanks to all the volunteers and well-wishers who dotted the race course. I shall post a copy of my Curtis Creek Mixtape. Comment or email me if you want it in mp3 form. Toodles!

6:54 finishing time. 6:09 for fellow Terra-Hoffen Jerm Edge. We shall do better next year!

For your viewing pleasure

Here's some holgas I finally scanned - some new, some old.

Charleston crit


Fripp Island


We're Baaaaaack....

So Will the G and I had the privilege of getting to see Le Tour this year. I must say if you have the means, go! Its worth it! The plan was to check out the Team Time Trial in Montpelier France and check out the finish into Barcelona, Spain and finally see them roll out of Barcelona the next morning. So heres the low down...

Cadel's bike
Have you ever touched Jurgen Van den Broeck's bike? Because i have! (Check out the break aways the past couple days, hes usually there...)
this guy really shouldn't time trial...
this guy should stick to road racing...
the Cervelo train

If memory serves, Fabian was on the front pulling just about the entire time
anyone know who these guys are? i searched the internet but couldn't find anything
So back in Barcelona it decided to rain biblical proportions on the day the tour rolled in but we wouldn't let it ruin our spirits.

After standing for about 5-5.5 hours in the rain the peloton approached! I was giddy with anticipation. People were screaming and pushing their way closer to the barriers. After Thor claimed his victory in the sprint finish, his die hard Norwegian fans began singing his song at the top of their lungs. Oh and if you didn't know Thor is such a bad ass he has his own song (which is way better than Tom Boonen's if you ask me).

So the next morning Will and i went to check out the start. Riders signing in, giving interviews, signing autographs, it was pretty awesome. I would love to share some pics but Kelly F had an unfortunate mishap with he camera being stolen... MAJOR BUMMER! So all we have is the memories. Oh and all the free schwag from the parade.
Now this post isnt even close to telling the tale of the whole trip but i figured it would at least appease the religious readers of the Hoff Blog. Amazing Trip!

Enough of the Tour De Lance

Just kidding. The Tour is the chronic this year. The Humboldt county if you will. My only wish is to watch Lance and Contador in a UFC fight this fall, with Cavendish surprising them both by coming over the top and fucking them both up, NWA style for you old school wrastlin fans out there. Maybe even Tully Blanchard would show up for old times sake, but I digress...

I felt it was time to take a break from the doldrums of mid mountain stages to entertain you, the readers, with another unbiased restaurant review from the road. If you will remeber I have made several of these from various locals such as NYC and Fruita, CO.

Tonight I bring you Taqueria Del Sol from Decatur, GA ( and a few other ATL locations I hear).

I started with the salsa trio... fresh tomato, tomatillo, and roasted tomato salsas. Delicious. Just enough spice to keep it interesting. Oh yeah, the Margarita is called the Westside. It's made of delicious Herradura Reposada as well as Patron Citron. Color me drunky!

Here is my meal with said chips and salsa. I ordered roasted pork taco with slaw and jalapeƱo relish and a beef brisket taco with pico.

This was the order taker girl. She makes you margaritas while you wait for your order.

Quite an impressive Tequila menu.

Hipster sighting with aggro mustache, a fake 1984 olympics T, and a Nintendo belt buckle.

-- Post From This Hoff's iPhone

Hoff Gets A Mention in "BRAIN"

Saw this morsel of industry blather in Bicycle Retailer News:

First Sleeveless Ride Of The Year

Guzizzah dillznoofus! This ole Hoff broke out the Vicious sleeveless for the first time this year. Flaunting of the farmer's tan was in order. Southside Park was the location. Gnar-shredding was on the agenda. Fast, dry with plenty of tree cover. I love this trail. Nothing amazing, just tons of trail and tons of options so you can ride for a few hours and not glance at your watch thinking "Will this ever fucking end???" Reminds me of Bent Creek except less fireroads, hippies and loudmouths named Kelly Baisley. It's also 5 minutes from the folks' crib. Overcooked a turn on Lizard and ate shit towards the end of the ride.

It serves me right. Found the new footbridge across Fairforest creek which links Southside with the Palmetto trail. Met some colorful rednecks splashing in the water. I wanted to join them, to insinuate myself into their rituals, to cross the threshold of taboo but they were mulleted and inebriated. After my ride, I helped cook up some pea pods, shrooms and cucumbers from the garden to help compliment the jurassic sized steak and potato that were on the menu. I came to the conclusion that old people don't give a fuck about eating healthy and that is a grand thing. I ate like a king and slept like a baby, minus the bedwetting.

Gentlemen's Ride 2009 photos

Sorry for the delay, here's 191 edited pics of the 500+ that were taken.


Will the G and I are off to see Le Tour. We depart this Saturday for Barcelona to meet up with Kelly Fish then we head to Southern France for the Team Time Trial, then back to Barcelona to check out a finish and a start. We're both super stoked and this will no doubt be the longest day at work in the history of time!

note: we may or may not try and keep you up to date on our journey but I wouldn't hold your breath